At the bottom, which by the way is never where you think it is. It is actually much lower. And at the bottom, yes there are rocks, and they shatter figurative bones. They break legs, cut arms, and mangle the spirit. It is not a happy place at all. It’s a place where you find that you cannot stand, and even if you could the spaces between the jagged rocks are filled with mud and muck that seeks to pull you down much further. So there you are, broken, clinging to what little there is to hold on to; you know the little bits of you that are left even though they are raw and bleeding. The question is what do you see when you dare to look up? I can take a guess that most of us would look up and see that at the top of this huge hole is a darkened sky threatening a deluge that would make Noah cry. Now, ot would be so easy to just pray for the rains to come, the water to fill this nasty hole and drown you and let sweet death simply take you wherever, because after all any change would just be so nice. However, this is what I know, and I know it because I see it. It’s hard to see through tears and agony. But there in the middle of the clouds is a bright patch of blue. Sailors used to call it, and probably still do, Dutchman’s Britches.
Dutchman’s Britches generally signifies the clearing of the sky. I guess, and yes I’m taking a great deal of liberty here, that Dutchman’s britches were something quite relieving to see. In fact I’m taking that as fact and running with it here. When you look up in the sky and see that patch of blue, small enough to make a Dutchman’s britches, then you see hope. What a great thing to see from the bottom of a pit!
Okay, enough examples and lets get to the heart of what’s wrong here. I woke up in the morning to find that while in my mind I had dealt with everything; my heart was very slow catching up. The decision to divorce was a two person job. It was agreed upon. Like the two Zax in Dr. Seuss’ book no one was moving anymore. There was simply nowhere to go but straight to hate. Neither of us could bear the thought of hate, not for the sake of our child. This is all well and good, and I am sure somewhere somebody can agree. In the mind it makes so much sense, it’s the logical choice. So in my mind, it was done, over, caput. And likewise in my mind I was moving on. Now here is the problem. The mind and the heart do not line up on many things. The mind thinks things through. It weighs options and seeks the best course of action logically speaking. The heart on the other does not. It feels it goes into shock; it shuts down and lets the mind take over. The heart breaks, it breaks so hard it almost explodes. I’m told this kind of explosion, though an emotional can actually kill you. Now if it doesn’t kill you, your mind literally takes over. It convinces you that hey everything’s cool, you’re a tough person, and this isn’t so bad. However, the mind cannot speak for the heart, and when it finds its voice again it reminds you in very real and physical ways that you are indeed not fine. The pain is quite intense, and relentless. It was enough for my hands to let go of the edge that I had been clinging to and finally fall to the bottom and shatter among the rocks.
I fell down one time; in the rain; and in the mud. The first thing I did was look around. Notice the preposition there, around. I looked around. That’s what happened when I hit bottom too. It’s a perfectly natural response. Look around to see what else is near you. I’ve already described the terrible sight. This leaves me one more direction to look, up. When you hit bottom you have to look up. What you see will depend on how you have dealt with your spiritual relationship(now hold the thought you have here that makes you think that if my spiritual life had been right in the first place I wouldn’t be in the pit I’m in, you’re right and wrong, I’ll deal with that later.). When you hit rock bottom and you don’t know Jesus, recognize right now, the only way you’re getting out of that pit is with his help, if you don’t get out, you’re going to die, so choose wisely. If you do know Jesus, the only way you’re getting out of that pit is with his help, had you listened in the first place, you might not be so shattered and broken (notice I said might, but again, later). Now we are back at that Dutchman Britches thing I was talking about. As a Christian I realize that the only option I have is to finally realize that I cannot stand up on my own two legs, they’re broken. But Jesus can carry me, has carried me, and will continue to carry me. That is the bright patch of blue I see. The coming of God to fix me! He is the only one who can repair what I have done such a fine job of breaking.
It is here in this pit that I find what true surrender means. It means recognizing my immense weakness, and my profound failure. It means recognizing His unfathomable strength and ultimate victory. Yes I am sore, and yes I will continue to hurt for a long time. But spiritual therapy is an amazing recovery. So I will finish this exercise with this statement. In spiritual reality my marriage didn’t fail because of some outside source, or some stupid act of one individual. It failed because I failed. I failed to be the man of God at home that I was called to be. It failed because I took for granted what was truly important in my life. Am I sorry, am I repentant? Verily I am. I am looking up, I am being rescued. I just have to trust, be still, and let God do what He is going to do, because I just don’t want to be in pain anymore and if I move it will hurt. The only way to be healed is to be healed by God.
It took me a long time to realize that. It took me a lot of pain to get that. Don’t be me, don’t be like me, be like Him. Seek Him! He is seeking you, just look for the patch of blue and keep looking at it.